Synopsis: "Sixteen-year-old Tessa is going to die and she has made a list of ten things she wants to do in the time she has left. But getting what you want isn't easy and getting what you want doesn't always give you what you need, and sometimes the most unexpected things become important."
Before I Die by Jenny Downham follows the story of sixteen-year-old Tessa who has been diagnosed with leukemia. Despite four grueling years of chemotherapy she discovers that her cancer is terminal, thus not giving her very long to live. She ultimately decides that she wants to spend the rest of the time she has left living life to the full and composes a list of 10 things she wants to do before she dies, most of which are illegal. However as Tessa grows closer to her final days she realises that what you want isn't always what you need and that the small and intimate pleasures of life are what truly mean the most to her.
To begin with I found it difficult to connect and sympathise with Tessa as I felt she was too busy being reckless to appreciate the help and support she has from everyone, particularly her father. He gave up everything for her including his job, his friends and all the things he generally enjoyed in life when Tessa was diagnosed yet here she was throwing it all back in his face because she couldn't see that he was suffering too; she failed to understand that although her father's days weren't limited like her's, he'd have to deal with outliving his daughter and not seeing her grow up like she should.
I loved the juxtaposition Downham created between Tessa's father and her best friend, Zoey, who despite Tessa's condition constantly reminds her that although she may have cancer it's no excuse for her to feel sorry for herself and mope about all the time. She argues that everyone is dying every day and that Tessa should just take it with a pinch of salt because eventually we all die and although that may sound morbid to many Tessa appreciates Zoey's honesty, especially because it means she doesn't act differently and tread on thin ice around her, unlike everybody else.
The way the relationship between Tessa and Adam is expressed by Downham is so beautiful. There are so many novels out there where romance becomes superficial and unrealistic, creating a false sense of hope and belief that love actually does exist, Downham however doesn't do that. She acknowledges that love has ups and downs and that it's never plain sailing. Yes, ok, the whole 'boy next door' thing may be a little cliché but there was no nauseating Romeo and Juliet love at first sight nonsense, there was just pure, unexpected love between two people; it was so engaging to read.
However it was the gradual progression of Tessa's cancer which lead to her appreciation of the smaller things in life that really gripped me in this book. She starts out thinking that sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll are the most important things to her but when she learns that she has a matter of weeks left she comes to realise that what she has really wanted to experience to the full has been right in front of her the entire time - her friends and family, and that was heartbreaking to read, more-so in her last few of days where she couldn't move or talk, only listen and sleep. Her dreams became so vivid, thought provoking and stunning to read. She dreams of the things she didn't get to experience and it all becomes so enticing and touching to read.
Before I Die is a beautiful novel that made me happy, sad, laugh and cry (or should I say hysterically sob). It's such a shame that people compare it to The Fault In Our Stars so often because this truly is a unique and enticing novel that is like no other.
I give Jenny Downham and Before I Die ★★★★★
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